Be Careful What You Wish For
by Feline Ranger
Summary: A Red DwarfLabyrinth crossover. After Rimmer is mean about one of Lister's favourite films, Lister makes a wish he will come to regret.
1. Default Chapter

"It's a classic movie!" Lister insisted as the credits rolled.

"It's a kid's film, Lister. A kid's film with very dodgy special effects," Rimmer said patronisingly, "Obviously it's just about right for your mental age but I require something a little more sophisticated in my entertainment."

"Look, it's not about the plot," Lister told him, stopping the vid and standing up; "It's a modern fairy tale about responsibility, awakening sexuality and the importance of courage, loyalty and friendship!"

"Modern?! Lister, the film was almost two hundred years old before we even left Earth!"

"Okay, maybe not so modern then. But the rest is true. You can never see beneath the surface of anything, Rimmer. You take everything at face value!"

"And you're making up fatuous reasons for why you enjoy watching a children's film, because you can't admit it's because deep down you're a very immature person."

Rimmer stood up and brushed some imaginary dust off his uniform. "Now, I really have to go. I was meant to be in the cockpit five minutes ago." He walked out with his nose in the air. Lister followed him out, crossly; "I wish the goblins would take _you_ away right now," he muttered, stomping back into his own quarters. There was a flash of light and suddenly a large white owl was flying around Lister's head. He yelped and waved it away, panicked. "What's going on?!"

The owl settled in the doorway and began to change shape. Slowly it grew upwards into a figure that Lister immediately recognised. "Hey!" he exclaimed, excited, "You're David Bow..."

"No, I'm not!" the figure snapped, cutting him off mid-sentence; "I am Jareth, the almighty King of the goblins and I don't look anything like...that man. What is it with you blasted humans?"

"Sorry," Lister said automatically, then shook himself as the words registered properly in his brain. "Wait a minute! You're just a character in a movie! You aren't real!"

"That's what we wanted you to think," Jareth smiled triumphantly.

"I'm sorry but I'm not buying this, man; no way," Lister insisted, backing away, "This is some kind of weird hallucination again, isn't it? I'm very prone to hallucinations." He paused, "In fact, we all are on this ship. We've had more weird hallucinations between us than you could shake a stick at!"

"If you don't believe me," Jareth said sweetly, "Then take a look next door. You will see that your companion is gone."

"Of course he's gone," Lister argued, "He went to the cockpit. I saw him go."

"He's not in the cockpit or anywhere else on this ship!" Jareth replied testily, "He's there in my castle!"

He stepped aside and, with a swirl of his cloak, the doorway of Lister's room no longer led out into Starbug's dark corridor. Instead it had become a gateway through which Lister could see a strange red-skied land. Taking up most of his field of vision was a vast maze. In the centre was a tall turreted castle. "You've got to be taking the smeg," he said weakly.

"I'm afraid not," Jareth smiled triumphantly, "You made the wish, David. I just granted it for you."

"But...I didn't think you were...I didn't mean..." Lister stammered desperately. Jareth tutted sympathetically, "Spoke before thinking, did you? Such a pity. You humans do that so often."

"Wait a minute," Lister drew himself up as a thought struck him. He whirled around to face Jareth, "You have no power over me!" Jareth folded his arms and stared back at him, unimpressed. "Did you really think we'd keep to that old routine after the movie? We'd never get anywhere! No; I changed that spell pretty sharpish, David."

"That's not fair!" Lister flared up. Jareth rolled his eyes and Lister flushed as he realised what he'd said. Just great. He wasn't any better at this than a teenage girl.

"You have thirteen hours to find your way through the Labyrinth and rescue your friend," Jareth told him, pointing to a strange twisted clock which had appeared beside them, "Or he will become a goblin. And you will be trapped here forever." Lister glared at him, "You suck. You know that?" He stomped away down the path and then turned around to shout back at him, "And you look _exactly_ like David Bowie!"


	2. Chapter 2

Lister approached the high walls surrounding the Labyrinth with some trepidation. He knew from the film that he would have some difficulty finding the way in and cast his eye about for anyone nearby who might be able to help. There was no-one. After a good fifteen minutes scouring the surface for any hidden cracks or chinks that might reveal themselves as a door, he decided to use some good old-fashioned scouse initiative. He grabbed hold of some tough creepers and started climbing over.

He was about halfway up when an indignant voice behind him made him look down. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?" There was a small angry-looking gnome staring at him. "What does it look like?" he replied shortly.

"You can't do that! It's cheating!" the gnome piped up, its eyes flashing.

"So? Where were you when I wanted to get in the normal way?"

The gnome bristled and didn't answer his question; "Come down this instant!"

"No," Lister said; "If you want to give me a good telling-off then you can come in and do it on the other side. I'm going to need some directions anyway." He threw a leg over the wall and started climbing down the other side, ignoring the splutters of anger he could hear beneath him.

Sure enough, as he dropped down onto the ground, a large section of the wall swung open and the gnome came stamping in. "Ah, so there was a door," Lister remarked. He eyed his companion, "And just how long were you hiding there watching me look for it? Fat lot of help you are."

"Not my job to help," the gnome sniffed, "Anyhow, you didn't ask, did you? It's not right, climbing over the walls..."

"You weren't there to ask. How else was I supposed to get in? Now which way is the castle?"

"The others were never like this," the gnome muttered darkly, "Never at all."

"Yeah, well I bet you didn't help them either," Lister retorted.

He looked around himself to try and get his bearings. There was no indication of which way he should go next; both directions looked exactly the same. "Come on," he demanded, "Tell me which way I have to go!"

"Why should I?" the gnome snapped. Lister narrowed his eyes,

"Because I'm bigger than you." It wasn't a threat he got to use often and he was surprised at how satisfying it felt. "And if you don't tell me then I'm going to drop-kick you back over this damn wall!"

The gnome took a step backwards, "You can't talk to me like that!"

"Wanna bet?" Lister took a threatening step towards him.

"You know," the gnome folded his arms, "The usual way to get someone to help you is to ask nicely! Have you ever tried that?" Lister paused.

"Would it help?"

"It might."

"Fine," he sighed, "Could you please tell me which way the castle is from here?"

"No!" the gnome turned and stomped away quickly. It made a magical gesture and the wall swung open again. "You little smegger!" Lister said indignantly.

"Yeah, well, next time try being polite!" the gnome shouted back, before the wall slammed shut behind it.

Lister seethed for a moment, then looked around again. As there was no basis for an alternative decision, he decided to just go right and see where he ended up.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long – the xmas shopping got a bit on top of me!

The path wound away like a length of ribbon beneath Lister's feet. He kept one hand trailing along the wall as he went, searching for hidden openings that might be concealed to the naked eye. He knew that the castle was on his right, so that was the way he had to head; but first he had to find a path in that direction.

After a good fifteen minutes walk without any luck, he got frustrated. He turned around to go back the other way and was confronted with a wall that had suddenly appeared behind him, blocking the way he'd just come. "Hey!" He pushed at it but it didn't budge. "I don't believe this..." he muttered. He gave the wall an angry kick.

Two of the bricks suddenly swivelled and became a pair of eyes that glared at him. "Aargh!" Lister jumped backwards. A mouth appeared beneath the eyes. "Don't know what _you're_ yelling for," it said reproachfully, "You're not the one who's just been kicked."

"I'm sorry, man," Lister stammered. He was having a flashback to the last time he'd tried that marijuana gin. "I wasn't expecting you to be..." The wall rolled its eyes, indicating it had heard it all before and couldn't care less.

"Anyway," Lister tried to pull himself together, "You shouldn't have crept up behind me like that. I just wanted to get past."

"Kick everyone who gets in your way, do you? I don't know why I bother some days, I really don't."

Lister tried to speak, "Look, I need to find the way to the..."

"I mean just cause you're a wall, doesn't mean people have to treat you like you're just some, some bloody _obstruction_."

"Well, actually..."

"No respect, that's the problem. No respect whatsoever..."

"The castle!" Lister interrupted desperately, "Do you know how I can get to the castle?"

"Hmm? What? Oh, there's lots of ways. Too many to count."

"Okay, well, which way would you suggest I went right now?"

"Only one way you can go. There's a wall in front of you, in case you hadn't noticed."

"You're not going to move then?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Well, you moved just now to get here! I didn't walk through you!"

"How do you know you're not the one who's moved?"

Lister threw his hands up in despair, "I would have noticed if I'd...!" He looked behind him. The path was different. Suddenly there was a fork there that hadn't been there before. He sighed heavily. "This could give a person a headache." He turned back to the wall, "Which way do you think leads to the castle?"

"How would I know? I'm just a wall. Follow your heart or something."

"Thanks a lot, man," Lister said sarcastically, "You've been a real help." He walked away up the right-hand fork. "Oh, sarcasm now, is it!" the wall shouted after him, "No bloody respect, I tell you! None at all!"


	4. Chapter 4

Lister followed the path uphill for a little while and kept his sense of direction as best he could for about half an hour, but it twisted and doubled back so many times that eventually he wasn't even sure which way he was facing anymore. Finally, after reaching another dead end, Lister sat down heavily with a frustrated huff. He was on the verge of giving up. Why the hell was he putting himself through all this for Rimmer anyway? He should have told Jareth he could keep the miserable git. But of course, in his heart, he knew he couldn't have done that; or give up now. Because it was his fault that Rimmer was in this mess.

He looked around hopelessly. He couldn't even see the castle anymore. He kicked angrily at the ground, cursing the fact he'd ever watched that bloody film in the first place. Suddenly, as he thought about the film, something occurred to him. He cast his eye about suspiciously. "You're _watching_ me, aren't you?" he said, apparently to the air. A mile or so away in his castle, Jareth – who was indeed peering into his crystal ball - blinked in surprise. "Well, just you wait, man!" the tiny figure of Lister within the orb snapped, "I'm doing great! I'm going to win this crappy game of yours and you can't stop me! I'm doing just fine!"

Newly invigorated by this rant, Lister threw back his shoulders and made off purposefully down the path. He'd only gone a few steps when the ground opened up beneath him and he disappeared with a yelp.

Jareth tutted and shook his head, "I suppose he didn't notice the trapdoor. Such a pity..." He looked around at the goblins surrounding him, "Well, laugh!"

Lister skidded helplessly down a long dirt tunnel, scrabbling uselessly with his hands and feet for something to interrupt his descent. He found nothing and after a few moments tumbled out into the daylight and hit the ground with a heavy thud. He moaned and for a second or two seriously considered the possibility of just staying where he was on the floor and throwing a full-blown tantrum. However, in the end he decided that, tempting though it was, he just didn't have the time. And he didn't want to give that smug blond bastard the satisfaction, just in case he was watching. He dragged himself to his feet and dusted himself down with as much decorum as possible.

He was at the foot of a high stone wall. About eight feet up was a wide hole that must have been the exit of his unintentional shortcut. He hadn't even realised at the time that he'd been that high up. And now he had to find a way to work out exactly where he was.

"Took a wrong turn, did we?" sniggered an aggravatingly familiar voice behind him. He turned to see his old friend the gnome standing smugly beneath a tree. "Are you following me?" Lister demanded suspiciously.

"Pah!" the gnome said dismissively, "Got better things to do than tail around after a stroppy so-and-so like you, believe me! How do I know _you're_ not following _me_?"

"Of course I'm not following...!!!"

Lister forced himself to stop and took a deep breath, rubbing his temples; "Smeg, who can even tell in a screwed-up place like this?" he said mournfully. "For all I know we could have been following each other, or both following something else entirely!"

"My, aren't we the philosopher?" the gnome sneered. Lister glared at it venomously. "Anyway," it continued, scurrying backwards to put some distance between them, "No sense in hanging about here, is there, if we've both got places to be?"

"Where are you going?" Lister asked curiously.

"None of your business!"

"Do you even know your way around here, or are you lost too?"

"I know my way just fine! Born and brought up in this labyrinth, I was!"

"But it keeps changing! How can you possibly keep track?"

"Ah, you get used to its little tricks. I barely even notice."

"So..." Lister ventured cautiously, "You know which way the castle is from here?"

"Of course."

"If I asked nicely this time would you tell me?"

The gnome looked at him appraisingly. "Tell you what," he said eventually, "It's not quite possible to do things like that round here. You can give someone directions – left here, right a bit there – but it don't do much good because by the time they get there it could all be different, you see? But as it happens, we'll be going the same way for a bit. You can tag along for a while if you want. Can't take you all the way, mind. I've got things to do."

Lister let out a huge sigh of relief, "Thank you."

"There," the gnome said smugly, "That wasn't too hard, was it?"


	5. Chapter 5

"What's your name?" Lister asked curiously as they made their way along the path.

"Poggle," the gnome replied. Lister thought about this.

"I don't suppose you'd have a brother called Hoggle, by any chance?"

"No."

"Oh, well."

"Second cousin. How'd you know that?"

"Call it a hunch," Lister said airily; "My name's Dave. If you wanted to know."

"I already know." Lister blinked in surprise;

"How come?"

"It's all part of being a goblin. We know everything the king knows. At least...everything he wants us to know."

"What...Like telepathy?"

"Call it that if you want."

A thought pinged into Lister's mind. "So you know if my friend Rimmer's okay?" he asked eagerly.

"He's fine. For now. I'll say this for Jareth; he might be a bully, and his fashion sense has been stuck in the 1980's for far too long, but at least he always plays by the rules. Your friend will be safe unless time runs out." Poggle paused, apparently thinking. "He's not too happy with you right now though." Lister grinned to himself,

"He never is."

They were moving away from the wall now and into a thick patch of trees. Lister cleared his throat as politely as he could. "A-hem...And you're er...absolutely sure you know where you're going, right, man?"

"Hey, I know this Labyrinth back to front and upside down! If you don't trust me you're quite welcome to go back to finding your own way!"

"Okay, okay! I only asked."

He made sure to keep Poggle in sight as they crept through the shady darkness of the trees. He most definitely did not want to get lost in here. "Just so I know," he said nervously, "There's nothing...dangerous...in these woods, is there?"

"Hah! If you didn't want danger you've come to the wrong place!" the gnome scoffed; "But if it'll make you feel better I'll say this at least – You're in no more danger here than you were before."

"Thanks," Lister said dryly.

He looked at his watch. He'd already used up three hours just getting to this point. At least he was on the right track now but he was worried about what would happen when Poggle left him to make his own way. That was...if he could trust Poggle at all...

"How many have there been?" he asked curiously, "People like me, I mean? How often does this happen?"

"Not as often as you might think," Poggle said. "The thing with Jareth is that he's fascinated by humans, see? He watches them all the time. But he can't get involved unless someone says the right words, like you did. And that happens less and less now. We haven't had someone like you here for a long time. I would watch your back, because Jareth's going to be excited – and he's going to want to win this one."

"He doesn't always win then?"

"Of course not. _You_ should know that. You saw the film."

"So...what happened in the film is all true?" Lister asked in surprise.

"Yep. Ludo wrote it all down in his autobiography and sold the rights to Hollywood."

"_What?_"

"Under a pseudonym, of course. Jareth wasn't very happy when they cast David Bowie to play him."

"Hmm...I got that impression too. So..."

"WAAAAH!"

"What was that?" Lister squeaked, looking around frantically.

"Oh God!" Poggle threw up his hands, "Not them!"

"What? What? Are they dangerous?"

"No!" Poggle groaned, shaking his head in dismay, "They're going to _sing_ at us!"

A hyperactive ball of pink and red feathers leapt out from the undergrowth, laughing; and was followed by several others. "Hey, what's this?" One of them said, poking Lister, "I can't believe my eyes!" To prove the point, the creature then pulled them out and tossed them to one of its companions, cackling hysterically. Lister grinned, "Wow! So you guys are real too?"

"As real as it gets, baby," said another one, leaping up onto Lister's shoulders. Poggle grabbed its foot and pulled it down again, but was left holding a leg. "Ugh!" He tossed it back to the offending creature "I hate it when they do that!"

"I think it's cool!" Lister said brightly, plucking the head off one and staring with interest at the empty neck.

"Hey! Put me back!" the head ordered.

"Sorry," Lister complied.

"And we're not staying to hear a song either!" Poggle snapped, "We've got places to be!"

He turned to leave and was confronted by an upside-down pink face in front of his. "Argh!"

"You should lighten up! Take the weight off your feet, man!" the creature told him, hopping off its own feet and throwing them over its shoulder. Lister was staring at two of them with a thoughtful expression, "I don't know why," he said, "But there's something very familiar about you guys..."

"We're _going_," Poggle said firmly, grabbing the bottom of Lister's shirt and dragging him away.

The Fiery's followed them for a little way, jumping around their feet and doing tricks, but eventually they got bored and disappeared back into the forest. "Good riddance," snapped Poggle, "Stupid creatures."

"Well, I like them," Lister said, "I think they're kind of funny."

"They're not so funny when they get over excited and start trying to pull _your_ head off!"

"They couldn't actually do it, could they?"

"No. But they'd have a go."

Lister sighed and looked around, "So where are we now?"

"Still in the forest, I'm afraid. We've got a bit of a walk ahead of us."

_Note for non-obsessives: Danny John Jules (the Cat) and Charles Augins (Queeg in series 2) both provided voices for the Fiery's in Labyrinth. So now you know._


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry it's been so long! I really needed a time out to decide exactly where this story was going and how it was going to get there, but now the plot bunnies are back in action I will hopefully get it finished soon. I know that some of you have been clamouring for a Rimmer chapter but if I tell you too much now then it ruins all the suspense for the end when Lister finally reaches him. Doesn't it? Well? Quite. I promise that you'll get some Rimmer soon.

After a long wearisome journey through the dark, the trees began to thin out as they passed out of the thickest part of the forest. Soon, between the trunks, Lister began to see the sprawl of the goblin city in the near distance. His spirits rose; but only marginally. He may have been back on the right track but it also meant that soon Poggle would be leaving him to make his own way, and it was a moment he was dreading. He was becoming less and less sure that he could do this on his own. He needed to try and think of a way he could convince Poggle to stay with him.

Up in his tower in the castle, Jareth was watching Lister's progress in the crystal ball. He drummed his gloved fingers against the table with a frown. They were already within three leagues of the castle. Damn his traitorous subjects! Wasn't anyone in this place loyal to their king? How did they _always_ manage to find someone who would help them? Didn't the threat of the Bog of Eternal Stench mean _anything_ anymore?

He'd given the order for the annoying man in the shiny blue suit to be locked away in the topmost tower. It would at least buy him some time – Lister would still have to find him when he reached the castle; and aside from anything else Jareth had got sick of listening to him demanding to see a lawyer - but that wasn't enough to safely secure his victory. With Lister already drawing close to the city, action was clearly needed. And he knew just what to do...

Back in the forest, Lister was trying to think of a way he could get Poggle to stick with him on this quest. As he stumbled after the gnome, tripping over tree roots and creepers as he went, he decided to test the water. "So...er...Poggle..." he said conversationally, "You in a great rush to get to...wherever it was you were going?"

"Oh, at the rate we're going I think I should get there in plenty of time," Poggle replied airily, "Don't worry about me."

"Ah, well," Lister said awkwardly, "The thing is, man, I'm not sure that I..."

He stopped speaking as a bubble floated serenely by his face. He paused to watch as it bobbed past, the sunlight casting glossy rainbows over its delicate surface. "You're not sure that what?" Poggle asked up ahead, not realising that Lister had stopped. The bubble drifted up towards the tree tops but when Lister looked down he realised there were more – all of them dancing lightly through the trees to pirouette around him, their colours glowing in the late afternoon light like Christmas tree baubles. He couldn't take his eyes off them...they were so beautiful.

"I _said_..." Poggle said irritably, turning round at last, "You're not sure that..." He spotted the bubbles and froze, "Oh no! Don't move!"

"What?" Lister asked dreamily, "You don't like them?" He reached up lazily with one hand, "I think they're lovely..."

"DON'T TOUCH THEM!" Poggle shouted desperately. But it was too late.

As Lister's fingertips touched the frail gossamer surface, the bubble popped, releasing a light shower of golden sparkles and then he was falling; down, down, down into a warm blissful darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

Lister opened his eyes and looked around himself in confusion. He was standing in a huge golden hall, the walls and ceilings dripping with frescoes and carvings. At one end of the room was a roaring fireplace. He looked down at himself, perplexed. He was dressed in a silk shirt embroidered with fine silver thread that glimmered in the candlelight, and tight black velvet trousers. These weren't his clothes! He would never buy an outfit like this, let alone wear it! It would show all the curry stains!

He turned and saw behind him there was a ridiculously long banqueting table, big enough for two hundred people. Jareth was sitting in the enormous throne-like chair at its head, smiling at him. Lister took a step backwards. This was all wrong! He hadn't come here! And why was everything so...hazy? It was like the air itself was shimmering somehow. It made him feel dizzy. "What's going on?" he said weakly.

Jareth stood up and walked over to him, holding two tall silver goblets, "Would you like a drink?" he asked sweetly, offering him one. Lister ignored it; he had more important things on his mind. "What am I doing here?" he demanded. Jareth blinked, "You came as my guest, of course. Here, have some wine."

"But I didn't!" Lister said, "I was...!" He paused suddenly, confused. "I was doing _something_," he said blankly; "Something important...I don't have time to..."

"Nonsense!" Jareth said cheerfully, "You have all the time in the world, if you want it. And I'm sure if it was _that_ important you would remember, wouldn't you? Come. Come sit with me." He pulled him over to the table and sat him down.

Lister touched the wood surface tentatively, almost expecting it to ripple like water under his touch. Nothing seemed quite real here. Jareth placed the goblet down in front of him, "Drink up."

"I don't understand," Lister said, staring at it; "Why can't I remember how I got here?"

"You're just tired," Jareth said sympathetically, "Thirsty too, I expect. Just relax and everything will be fine."

Reluctantly, Lister picked up his glass and stared at his reflection on the surface of the dark wine within. It rippled disconcertingly. He put it down again and saw a flicker of annoyance cross Jareth's face; although it was gone in a flash and replaced by a charming smile. "Perhaps we should drink a toast?"

"To what?" Lister asked.

"I have a proposition for you. An extremely generous proposition. I can't imagine you'd say no, so perhaps we should drink to it now."

"What kind of proposition?"

"It's very simple really," Jareth smiled, "I want to make you a prince. Heir to my throne and my kingdom."

"What?" Lister stared at him.

"You will never want for anything again. This castle will be your home. Everything you've ever wanted...or dreamed of...will be yours."

Lister looked into his glass and saw images reflected back as if in a ruby mirror. Images of wealth and power. Delicious food, beautiful clothes, servants attending to his every whim, a seat on the throne beside Jareth. It all looked...amazing. But something held him back. "I don't know..." he said hesitantly.

Jareth blinked in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"It's not really...Well, it's not really _me_," Lister confessed.

"What are you talking about?" Jareth snapped, "Who wouldn't want to be a prince?"

"I'm just not really into the whole money and power thing," Lister said uncomfortably, "I don't think I would like having servants attend to my every whim. I'd rather attend to my own whims, if that's okay."

"But you could have everything you've ever wanted!" Jareth exclaimed, "Think of everything you've never had!" Jareth made a sweeping gesture and Lister turned slowly.

Piled in front of the fireplace was a small mountain of gifts and toys. There was the motorbike he'd dreamed about since he was twelve years old, all sweet black leather and glowing silver chrome. The beautiful electric guitar he'd never been able to afford. Every Christmas and birthday present he'd never got, right down to the Hungry Hippos game he'd wanted when he was six. "You see," Jareth said softly as he stared in amazement. "It's so easy. It's all right there. And it can all be yours if you just say yes and take a sip from your glass."

"But," Lister protested softly.

"Go on, David. It will only take a moment and then you can live happily ever after. Just one little sip..."

"But," Lister turned away from the heap to face Jareth, "It's all just _stuff_."

Jareth almost staggered, "Just stuff?" he repeated, scandalised.

"They're just things! They're not important! They're...they're silly!" Lister backed away, shaking his head. "And they're not enough to buy what you want from me!"

"What are you talking about?" Jareth contrived to sound innocent, "I'm making an extremely generous offer! I've asked nothing from you."

"Yeah, it all sounds wonderful!" Lister snapped, "Until you read between the lines that is! A prince still has to answer to somebody, don't they? And that person is the King! You want somebody to order about that's not just another local peasant who's been brought up to fear you! You want a trophy servant! A human!" The thought struck Lister like lightning. "And I'm the only one left..." he realised weakly.

Jareth glowered at him. "I would think that you'd be honoured that I should choose one of your species to inherit my kingdom."

"Considering that you're immortal," Lister said, "All that adds up to is a lifetime of servitude as your second-in-command."

"Love, loyalty and obedience are not much to ask for in return for what I'm offering you, David." Jareth said coldly.

"That's where you're wrong," Lister replied stiffly, "They're just about the most valuable things a person can give. And you can't buy mine with toys!"

He threw his goblet aside, spilling the dark red wine across the flagstones. Jareth scowled and threw back his cloak in a rage. The walls around them shook and it seemed to Lister that the room spun, whirled and shattered, then sucked itself back together. It took Lister a few moments to steady himself but, when he did, he saw that Jareth looked flustered. "This is all an illusion, isn't it?" Lister realised, "This whole room...This whole space we're occupying...None of it's real. It's only you holding it all together and you just had a little slip, didn't you?"

"Silence!" Jareth thundered.

Lister looked around himself desperately, dismissing the King's fury. "But if I'm not really here then...where the hell am I?"

"You're trapped in the In-Between," Jareth seethed, "Yield to me and I will set you free. If not I will leave you here forever in the abyss between reality and magic and watch you go insane!"

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Lister saw movement. Where the wine had spilled across the floor, it had spread out to form a large, glossy scarlet mirror. And in that mirror there were figures. There was life.

"Do you yield?" Jareth snarled. Reflected in the wine, Lister saw himself lying as if in a deep sleep among a thicket of trees, and a small gnome kneeling beside him, shaking him. He blinked. That seemed...familiar. What did it mean? The picture rippled away to be replaced by another face. A worried face, with a curious H in the middle of the forehead, studying a wristwatch with fearful eyes. It also seemed familiar, but in a different way. Something about it made him feel...almost homesick. He saw the figure sigh and mouth the words, "Lister, where are you?"

"Yield to me, David! I will not ask again!" Jareth warned. Lister ignored him. There was something here...Some piece of the puzzle that would make everything fit. Kneeling down, he reached out to touch the glistening surface of the wine, as if it could somehow connect him with the person it showed. His fingers disappeared into the slick crimson wash...and kept going. It made his whole arm tingle. He gasped.

Jareth saw what he was doing and went pale, "Wait!" he commanded, but his voice held fear and Lister paid no attention. He was entirely focused on the vision before him; the man he couldn't quite place and couldn't quite reach. His arm slid in up to his elbow but it still wasn't far enough. "Stop!" Jareth thundered, "I order you!"

Lister stared at the face before him. He was so close, the recognition was seething at the back of his brain but he just couldn't pull it forth. And suddenly, he felt a hand grab his, take a firm lock on his fingers and then reality broke over him like a wave and he understood; he remembered everything! And he just had time to shout out in triumph, "Rimmer!" before the hand pulled him sharply and he was yanked down through the ruby mirror and everything went black.


End file.
